there are days when i feel like i'm holding the whole world on my shoulders. days when the weight of everything — responsibilities, expectations, dreams i haven't reached yet — feels almost too much to carry.
but somehow, i'm still here.
still trying.
still hoping that maybe, one day, all of this will mean something.
this is one of those days. and these are my notes from a tired, but still beating, heart.
lately, it feels like i’m carrying a weight i can’t put down. it’s heavy in ways that are hard to explain. being the breadwinner isn’t just about paying the bills. it’s waking up every day knowing that if i stop, everything else might fall apart too. it’s choosing to keep moving even when i’m tired, even when i feel like i’m losing pieces of myself along the way. it’s holding everything together when it feels like i’m falling apart a little more every day.
we started a small business because i wanted my mom to finally stop working in that toxic job. i couldn't watch her get drained like that anymore. we thought maybe the business could give us some peace. a softer life. a new start. and for a while, it felt like hope. when we moved here in the store, we had so much hope. we thought maybe it could help us. maybe this could be the start of something better. but living here blurred all the lines. it’s like i haven’t had any space to breathe. our home is the store. the store is our home. i’m always on. always available. and i feel like i’ve lost myself along the way. i don't know when i’m supposed to rest anymore. every moment is tied to the store. every space is about survival now.
most days, time feels like sand slipping through my fingers. i wake up and before i know it, it’s already 5pm. it’s like i blink and the day is gone. i hate how fast time moves when you’re exhausted. it’s frustrating — like no matter how hard i try, i’m still falling behind.
we stay open past midnight because that's when most customers come. we stretch ourselves, hoping for a little more income. but it feels like we are still not earning enough. still, i pay the rent. i pay the water and electricity bills. i pay the bills at home too. sometimes it feels like money just slips through my hands, no matter how hard i try to hold onto it. i’ve been working for seven years already. and yet, i don’t have enough savings. i don’t have enough investments. i still think twice before buying anything i want. i still feel trapped, like freedom is this faraway thing i can’t seem to catch.
what hurts even more is seeing my mom. she’s the one doing most of the work now. she wakes up early to cook for the carinderia. she stays up late, tending to the customers while i try to get some rest for my full-time job. she barely sleeps. she’s older now, but she keeps pushing herself. and it breaks my heart more than anything. she deserves to rest. she deserves to slow down. she shouldn’t have to work this hard anymore. and yet here we are.
sometimes, i wish my siblings could see how much i’m struggling. how much i’m trying. how much i want them to make better choices, so they won’t have to go through what i’m going through. but at the same time, i don’t want them to see how tired i am. i don’t want them to feel guilty or worried. i just want to protect them from this. it’s a strange kind of loneliness — wanting to be seen but also wanting to stay invisible.
when i look around, it’s hard not to notice how everyone else seems to be moving forward. friends are traveling, reaching milestones, building lives they’re proud of. and i’m still here — stuck, tired, surviving. i don’t even have the energy to see them anymore. sometimes it’s easier to stay away than to sit there feeling like the one who’s been left behind.
i don’t really like being this vulnerable. i don’t enjoy laying all this out like a confession. but let’s be real — i’m just human. and right now, this is my truth. i don’t have it all figured out. i’m tired, i’m doing my best, and sometimes, i break a little too.
i’m not writing this to complain. i’m just trying to be honest with myself. to finally say it out loud: i’m tired. i’m hurting. and i wish things were different. but even after admitting all that, i know tomorrow i’ll still get up and keep going. because that’s what i’ve learned to do. even when it’s hard. even when my heart feels like it’s carrying more than it should.
maybe one day, all of this will make sense. maybe one day, life will feel lighter, and all these hard days will add up to something beautiful. maybe one day, time won't feel like something i’m constantly losing — but something i finally get to live fully, freely, and without fear.
for now, i’m just holding on the best way i know how. and maybe, for today, that’s enough.
→ if you’re carrying something heavy too, i hope you find a little softness here. a reminder that you're not alone. i'd love to hear your story too — feel free to share it in the comments or send me a message. let's hold space for each other. quietly, gently, one tired but hopeful heart at a time. ๐ค
it’s funny—after writing that last post and hitting publish, i felt a strange sense of calm. like i finally let something out that i’d been quietly carrying for too long.
and while i didn’t promise a comeback plan, i did say i’d be showing up again… slowly.
so here i am, writing another post i wasn’t sure i’d ever get around to—because, if i’m being honest, i thought i’d have it all figured out by now.
anyway, i don’t know who planted the idea, but somewhere along the way, i started believing i was supposed to have it all figured out by now. i really thought by the time i hit 29, i’d be someone who knew. knew what i wanted. knew how to get there. knew how to be an adult, properly. i used to imagine that by now i’d have a stable career that made perfect sense, a schedule i could actually stick to, enough savings to feel “secure,” and maybe even a place of my own (with white walls, cute mugs, and organized drawers). i thought i’d be living some kind of structured life that looked like growth charts and checklists.
but instead, i’ve found myself in a slower, quieter version of adulthood. one that looks less like progress and more like pausing. one that feels less like arriving and more like wandering. still learning. still trying. still very much in the middle.
and honestly? it’s not as scary as i used to think it would be.
if you read my last post, you know this slower season wasn’t really planned. it just… happened. work slowed down. deadlines disappeared. and suddenly, i had time again—something i hadn’t truly felt in years. not the rushed, in-between kind of time. but real, actual time.
time to think.
to sit with myself.
to realize i’d been running on autopilot for far too long.
and in the stillness, i started hearing all the “shoulds” i’d been carrying:
i should be more accomplished by now.
i should know my direction.
i should have it together—whatever that means.
but… what if i don’t?
what if i’m just here—half certain, half lost, quietly doing my best?
it reminds me a little of the rhythm of this week: good friday, black saturday, and easter sunday.
good friday is the heartbreak—the moment when things fall apart and don’t make sense. black saturday is the silence, the waiting, the part where you’re not sure what’s next. and easter sunday? it’s the quiet rising. not always dramatic or loud, but hopeful.
this season i’m in—this slower, uncertain version of life—feels like my own black saturday. i haven’t “risen” yet in the way the world might expect. but i’m here, holding space, learning to trust that just like easter always comes, maybe clarity will too.
and there’s this invisible race happening all the time—on social media, in catch-ups with old friends, even in random conversations with relatives. it’s the race to “get there. where “there” is depends on who you’re talking to. but for most of us, it sounds like:
a stable job title.
a ring or a baby (or both).
a life that looks like it’s working.
i’ve realized how heavy that invisible timeline can be. we don’t always see it, but we feel it:
the pressure to be somewhere by a certain age.
the fear of being left behind.
the guilt of not having a “clear direction.”
but the truth is, life isn’t linear. some people bloom at 25. some at 35. some at 60. some reinvent themselves again and again. and that’s okay.
and maybe… we don’t need to figure it all out.
maybe what we need is permission—to just be where we are.
maybe being 29 can look like becoming, not arriving. in between. uncertain. trying.
i used to think “figuring it out” meant having all the answers. now i think it means learning how to be okay with not knowing.
these days, i’m trying to:
- hold space for the in-between.
- give myself grace for the days that don’t look productive.
- redefine what success feels like—not just what it looks like.
because sometimes, the biggest shift isn’t in what changes outside, but in what softens inside.
if you’re in a similar season—feeling a little stuck, a little unsure—i hope this post reaches you in the right way.
you’re not behind. you’re not broken. you’re just here. and here is still worth something.
you’re not alone. you’re not failing. you’re just living your way through it.
so no, i don’t have it all figured out. but i’m learning to show up anyway. i’m learning to trust the slow days. to be gentle with my questions. to believe that becoming takes time—and that maybe we never fully arrive, anyway.
if you're in your twenties and you feel like you're fumbling through it—me too. but hey, we’re still here. still becoming. and for now, that’s enough.
๐ค
so… it’s been a minute. or months, actually.
my last post was all about being buried in work and feeling completely burnt out. and that was true. i was drowning in deadlines, and life felt like one never-ending to-do list. honestly, i was just trying to survive the chaos.
but things have changed—kind of unexpectedly. the crazy workload slowed down (not by choice, let’s just say that), and suddenly i had something i hadn’t had in a long time: time. not just five-minute-break kind of time. actual time. the kind that makes you sit there and go, “wait, what do i do with this?”
at first, i didn’t know. i felt weird, honestly. after months—years—of go, go, go, sitting still felt… off. but now that i’ve had a bit of space, i’m starting to ease back into the things i used to enjoy. like writing. like this blog.
i’ve been feeling this quiet nudge to come back here. to write again. to reconnect with this version of myself i kinda forgot about. i miss this little space. this little corner of the internet that doesn't move a mile a minute, that doesn’t demand perfect lighting or bite-sized captions. just words. just thoughts. just me.
and today, i did something i haven’t done in a while—i went for a walk.
at first, i didn’t want to. i was scared, honestly. i had no one to go with, and that made me want to stay in. but then i stopped and asked myself: what exactly am I afraid of? and i realized… it was just the gaze of strangers. people i don’t even know. and people who, realistically, don’t care. so why was i holding myself back for them?
so i went. alone. i walked and ended up hitting 8,000 steps. it’s not a big number, and maybe it’s not even enough—but it’s a start. and today, that felt like a win. i passed by people jogging, running, strolling—different ages, different social statuses, different everything. and somewhere along the path, a stranger greeted me with a kind “good evening.” i was caught off guard so i just smiled, but it warmed my heart. funny how little things like that can lift you up.
anyway, i’m happy i’m back in this quiet little space.
if you've been here a while, you already know the drill—my posts tend to come in waves. long gaps. sporadic updates. the occasional “hi, I’m back” energy. it's not that i don't want to write. it's just... life. life happens. and sometimes, it pulls you so far from yourself that even logging into your blog feels like a task. but somehow, i keep finding my way back here.
i’m not promising anything big. no full-on content calendar, no deep life updates (not yet, anyway). just me, showing up again—little by little.
to be honest, i’ve always had a love-hate thing with putting myself out there. i like sharing the good stuff, the aesthetic stuff. but i also enjoy keeping people guessing. there’s something fun about being half-open, half-mystery. i love posting pretty moments, but i also love disappearing. i love being seen, but i really love being unknown. i don’t know if that makes sense, but if you’ve ever felt the same—hi, you’re not alone.
so again and again, here i am, crawling back to my blog, one post at a time. no pressure. no full-blown comeback plan. just me, trying to figure things out again, slowly.
i still don’t know who reads blogs in 2025, but if you’re here—thank you. whether you’re a regular, someone who stumbled in by accident, or just lurking (we love a quiet reader), i’m happy you made it to the end of this ramble.
let’s romanticize the restart. ๐ค
→ if this post made you feel a little seen, leave a comment or just drop a “hi.” i’d love to know who’s out there. Aand if you’re also easing your way back into something—you got this.
hey, dear reader! life has been pretty great recently, but i still have my fair share of "ayoko na" moments, so allow me to share some bits & pieces of how life has been lately. you don't know how much willpower it took me to finally sit down and intentionally start a draft for this post.
it's always the hardest to start, they say, and i strongly agree, because it took me a short while before i am able to start typing down on here again. it took me a hot minute to gather my thoughts and organize them. they've been all over the place i must say. my line of thinking has been so tangled that the act of turning my thoughts into comprehensible paragraphs has been a little bit challenging. however, scratch that, because as i always say, i'd like to update this little corner once in a while for my future self to visit and look back on.
i remember those college days when i would religiously upload weekly life lately posts. i would take the time to gather all the moments that i've captured during those weeks, edit them to make them look decent before uploading them in the blog, and write something down for each photo to relive those moments through words. ahhhh, i surely miss that kind of energy. where did all those creativity and energy go? i can no longer find them these days. anyway, i would still read through those past blog entries every once a while and they remind me so much of those simple and humble days. a lot has changed already.
i know i sound like a broken record when i say this, but can you believe how time flies real fast these days? it's the 30th of august today and it's already september in less than 2 days. december is coming in a blink, then it would be another year, then i will turn 29 in early january. oh nauuuuuur. so close to 30 already!
but anyway, i think this would be a great time to run through and think about how life has been for me lately.
well, this month was emotionally challenging for me. i'm just glad that i'm feeling better now because in the early weeks of august, i felt like i was losing hope already - not that i would give up, but i felt like i'd be stuck in this unpleasant feeling forever. it felt chaotic and i thought that would be it for the rest of my life. i was trapped in some negative thinking, but i'm glad that i'm over those now. i feel better and i'm pretty much optimistic again.
also, august has been good, but it was not eventful for me. well, overall, this year has not been eventful so far. i have been occupied with so much work that my life has been pretty much just revolving around my daily grind. it was not that healthy, i must say, because i have not experienced as much burnout as i had this year. of course, i wasn't happy about it, but this is just me trying to survive my breadwinner life and this crazy economy.
here's something i wrote in august 19 to express how i've been constantly feeling towards work lately. thankfully, it's getting better recently.
work has been a little too stressful, yep, and i actually dropped a ball due to the amount of workload and it disappointed a client at some point, but i'm glad that the bosses have been understanding and patient with me. they didn't blame me for that, rather they understood that, that's just how it is now. with the increasing number of clients and amount of workload, i just can't be "perfect" as i used to anymore. lol. not that they see me as "perfect" but that's how i tried to be for so many years when it comes to work, except that you can't really expect me to come early at work - that's what i have been trying to work on and it frustrates me every time. lol. however, that would be a story for another time.
also, this month i got sick prolly due to stress, and when my body is sick, that's when usually all the negative feeling come rushing into my system, which, i think, explains why august has been emotionally challenging for me.
and because i was desperately thinking how to be on top of my workload again, i took some time to re-read getting things done by david allen. "almost everyone i encounter these days feels he or she has too much to handle and not enough time to get it all done," he said, and i must say i am pretty much part of that "everyone," that's why i picked his book up again, and somehow i found comfort.
also, here's a conversation that i have with a friend recently and it shows how adulting feels. some of them is in Hiligaynon, but the gist of it is... i was pretty much wondering what it would feel like to not be responsible because pretty much all the stress that i have been feeling comes from all my responsibillities both at work and in my family. but that's just me wondering. of course, i can't afford to not be responsible. lol.
despite the crazy emotions that i have been feeling, august wasn't bad after all. there was actually one saturday when i went out with my sibs and that was my most favorite memory from this month.
as i was craving for some korean bbq, we decided to have samgyup for lunch at that time. it happened that there was a newly opened samgyup restaurant in town, so we decided to try it.
the place is nice. however, we weren't satisfied of the food and i don't think it's something i will go back to again. unfortunately, it did not satisfy my craving, but it's all good because the moment spent with the people dearest to me is more important than the food. ๐
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after lunch, we went to sm and played at an amusement facility with my nephew. i can see how much he enjoyed that time and i wouldn't trade it for anything.
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after that, we headed to the beach for a foodtrip session and to watch the sunset. look at how beautiful the place is now. it wasn't always like that. i mean, it has always been beautiful, but the current administration took effort to make it cleaner and better, and i'm glad because this place has always been my go-to every time.
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i actually wanted to try those cute little cars with my nephew, but it was too hot at that time yet. so we decided to look for some food to munch and have a little picnic beside the beach. however, it looks like we bought a little too much and it would be inconvenient for us to bring the foods that we bought beside the beach so we opted to just get a table and eat there instead.
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after our merienda, we waited for the ever beautiful sunset. then, after a little while, we decided to take off our footwears and walked on the sand right beside the beach. we joined our nephew as he played and swam - he was very happy.
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it was very therapeutic and i would definitely arrange something like that again regularly now. life can test me at times, but i appreciate these small but certain happiness. they mean a lot to me.
to wrap that day up, here's some video clips that i compiled from that one beautiful saturday. ೀ✨๐
.๐ฅ ݁ ˖༄
spontaneously writing on here again like i used to. i don't have anything specific in mind to share about—i just missed typing down here to ramble about life and anything in between.
funny that at the beginning of the year, i actually thought i would have more time to blog this year. i was hopeful, but life happens as it always does. so now i no longer mind if i could still get to update this blog or not. i just want to go with the flow and blog whenever i feel like it.
hmm... when i was younger, i would wonder why adults always seemed to be in a hurry and grumpy and were short-tempered even to little inconveniences. now, i understand because at some point, i am that "adult" already. with responsibilities left and right, it feels like the days are getting shorter and shorter—an hour seems like just a minute now. with lots of things to do, i always feel like i needed to move faster than i used to. a long morning routine now became a morning rush. and even an 8-hr sleep seemed to be a luxury aleady. and i'm tired. constantly. plus this summer heat is becoming unbearable, and the last thing i would want is to be inconvenienced. dang, girl. i used to be so patient. now, idk what happened. lol.
i don't think i can live my whole life this way, though. i don't want a life lived in a rush. i don't want to always be in a hurry. i want to take things slow. i want to live simply, slowly and mindfully. i don't want to always be rushing to get the next big thing, but i honestly feel like doing a lot and living in a rush are the means to survive these days. but actually, they're not. they shouldn't be. it's just that... i don't know.
now that i am actually typing these thoughts out of my head, i realized i really have to do something already. i have to get out of this rabbit hole sooner rather than later. otherwise, i'd be doomed.
and i no longer know what else to say. my thoughts are all over the place and my mind is in chaos, so here's a sunday currently to somehow save this blogpost from all the mess.
READING
i am currently not reading anything recently, but i plan to start reading a new book this week - i'll keep this blog posted (hopefully lol)! =)
WRITING
i'm not writing anything either othen than this blog post. i have not written anything physically on my journal these days for quite a while now and it's probably the reason why life has been quite chaotic lately. journaling helps me big time most especially on overwhelming times like this, but i haven't been making time to sit down for it. gosh, my bad.
LISTENING
i'm listening to yeng constantino's songs on repeat right now. it reminds me of my highschool days soooo much when i can still mostly relate to her songs. also, she was here last night for capiztahan. i love to sing her songs in the karaoke, and of course i can't let that opportunity to see her perform live pass by. i went to see the event with my cousins and aunt. she's a performer indeed and i would want to see her again next time that i get the chance to on a much better and closer view.
THINKING
honestly thinking how i can survive this life. at this point, all i can say is, i'm tired and i badly wanna get out of this fast-paced life so bad.
HOPING
really hoping that i could be able to manage my time well this time. gradually. one step at a time.
NEEDING
i'm in need to master the art of time management really bad. i won't expand any further, but please, if you have some tips and tricks to share, i'd appreciate it so, so much! or maybe share your own struggle with it to at least let me know that i am not the only one? haha!
FEELING
obviously, i'm feeling messy and chaotic. i can't keep up with household chores. i can't keep up with my laundry. you see? this life is one huge mess these days. i just can't. i can't live in this chaos.
huh, i'm just glad that i am able to let these all out.
on another note, when i was younger, all i wanted was to have a job and work until idk when. i wasn't really that interested to learn things about running a business and actually thought i wasn't born to be a business person. now, my interests have changed. pretty recently, i have been really fascinated to learn how businesses work. anything that i like or need, i always think of selling the same to others ๐ recently, i enjoy learning how to utilize social media to sell products. i try to build facebook pages from scratch, creating logos and whatnot. it's been fun!
i thought i'll just do accounting my whole life, but i find it interesting now to try things that are out of my comfort zone. also, i guess my accounting knowledge definitely gives me a good advantage in running a business, so i gotta put it into good use, right?
this new venture that i am taking is actually one of the biggest reasons why i'm pretty much living in a rush these days + breadwinner duties. it's been tough, i must say. and to add, i have been taking a managerial role at work more seriously now. so yeah, that's pretty much a bit of an update about my chaotic life as of the moment.
hope life's been treating you well! :)
i remember as a child, i would always wait for this time of the year to come. way back, it actually feels like waiting for one year round, but these days, it seems that christmas just comes in just a blink each time. idk if it's the world or just us growing up, but time flies very swiftly.
...and just like that, it's christmas once again.
this Christmas was just like any prior Christmas that was celebrated with the whole family. we attended the Christmas Eve mass on Christmas Eve (of course), then we stayed up so late until 3am just chitchatting about the most random things, then woke up late the next day (as expected).
the rest of the morning was spent preparing food for the whole family. we don't usually have our noche buena and our Christmas menus are usually prepared right on Christmas day because that's when everyone in the family would usually come over. i have always spent my Christmas with the family my whole life so far. it's a family tradition that has existed ever since i can remember. i don't know how it started, but as per my mama, it's something my grandparents have built for the family. i don't think they grew up with this family tradition, but they tried their best to make Christmas a special occasion for all of us and it is something that each one looks forward to every time. i'm so thankful for them, as well as my parents, because they have always made Christmas my favorite season ever since.
the afternoon was spent singing on the karaoke, and eating, and singing, and eating once again. christmas will never be complete without a karaoke session with the family.
on the evening, we had our exchanged gifts. there were separate gifts intended for our manito or monita, then everyone was free to put their gifts to anyone or everyone under the Christmas tree, then my eldest tita would distribute them to whoever. basically, we get the chance to share our blessings with everyone. anyone who has the means to give can give gifts to whoever or to everyone. nobody is obliged, but it has been a tradition that we've grown up to. when i was younger, my grandparents, my parents, aunts, and uncles would give gifts to all of us kids. they still do up to this day. and now that we're grown-ups already, we also got used to preparing gifts for everyone. that's why a Christmas sinking fund is very important. i didn't have one this year, and danggg, it was pretty challenging. i promise to make it a priority in 2024 going forward.
to wrap it up, this year's Christmas was simple yet wonderful. i didn't have much expectations on it. being reunited with the whole family on Christmas day was more than enough to be thankful already. i'm so thankful for the bond that has been built among us. Christmas always reminds me of how blessed i am with my family. i didn't get to choose it, but God gave me the best. i'm grateful for the Christmas tradition that my grandparents have started—to gather everyone during Christmas and to share each one's blessings. it is something that i hope i can continue with my future offspring and even make it better.
how did you spend your christmas day? what are you most thankful for this christmas? i would love to know your story! <3
p.s. i am in the process of putting together a video blog of my christmas day. will upload it here once that is done. trying to get back into this hobby once again. :)
this is me and my younger sister. we are two (almost three) years apart, but our relationship as sisters is not similar to being besties. i feel like more of a mother to her rather than a friend, and i think she would agree. i would give her advices and tell her the lessons i'm learning from life that she may use as she traverse thru her journey, and i would scold her like a mom would when she gets home late from going out with her friends. we like different things and our values may not always align, so maybe that's why we don't bond as much as bestfriends would.
today i sent her off towards her new journey. she just left out of town to find better opportunities career-wise. we have lived together in our family home since forever, fighting even in the pettiest of things, and now that she has left, i'm feeling a bit emotional. i am more than happy and proud that she is brave enough to leave home and chase her dreams, but i also feel a bit sad because i won't be seeing her now as often as i do before. the house would somehow feel emptier.
perhaps today is the day when i finally understood what it actually means to be the eldest sister. similar to what parents are, i also get protective of my younger siblings. if i am to be selfish, i would rather have them here close to me so i can always see and make sure that they are safe, and protect them whenever needed. however, that could hinder their growth and could deprive them of better opportunities, so even if it makes me sad and a bit worried, i fully support her leaving our hometown to pursue whatever she wants in life.
i'm pretty sure life away from home will never be easy and it would be uncomfortable, and so i pray her lots of stregth to conquer the challenges that may come her way. i genuinely pray her all the best in life, and even if i don't often show it, i got her back... always and forever and no matter what.
hi, i found myself getting active on here again. this always happens every time i decide to get myself off of facebook, ig, and twitter. getting off of these platforms is always the best thing to do for me. i found myself happier and doing more in life. recently been getting up early and logging into work earlier than i usually do too. and i'm feeling at ease and chill these days which makes me romanticize life more.
also, idk if anyone out there can relate, but i feel like i am in this phase in my life where i don't wanna be seen anymore at all. i mean, i'm just here living my life and i don't want people to know how i am and what i'm doing. they wonder if they wonder—that's just it.
and i find instant messaging really exhausting. when i'm on it, i feel like people can just break into my life anytime they want to. so with that, i stopped connecting with anyone other than the people closest to my heart. i still have my messenger active, though and i sometimes accidentally read messages, but i don't respond. "accidentally" because i don't usually intend to open them, but i sometimes happen to click on them by chance. and overtime, people just got used to me leaving them on read most of the time. they already know i don't usually respond and i feel like i have made it become a part of my personality now. lol. it actually made life easier because i no longer feel guilty whenever i leave a text on read nor do i feel pressured to respond. now i really don't mind responding to messages when i don't find them important. sometimes, however, i actually wonder if i'm doing this right. while it's good because i have set some boundaries and it is protecting my peace, on the flip side, i wonder if i am isolating myself quite too much? career-wise, would this cost me something? how do i even find the balance? ๐
on another note, i took these photos last year, and they seem perfect for the thoughts that i have just shared. that cottage is kinda the metaphor of the life that i want at the moment. haha!
anyway, hope y'all are having a lovely week!
11th of june—i love sundays at home. ๐ฅบ๐
idk but i’ve been having some hard time gathering my thoughts lately. i no longer write the way i used too. i took some hiatus from blogging and i stopped journaling as well, so my creative juices are now nowhere to be found. my brain cells are at their most chaotic state, too. sometimes, i just can’t help but say, “i miss my old self.” yep, i definitely do — i miss it, yes, but if you ask me if i would trade my present self for the old one, my answer would be an immediate no. of course, i never would. despite the fact that i could no longer do a lot of things as often as i used to before due to the shift in priorities, i would never trade it for the growth that i have gone through and the lessons that i’ve learned so far.
idk what else to say. if you ask me how i am, well, i can say i’m good. i actually feel better than the past year. last year was eventful—i feel like i’ve gone out a lot, but this year is the opposite for me. 2023 is, i guess, a year of solitude and focusing more on the things that actually matter. i’m now heavy on providing myself a comfortable life, so even if focusing more on the things that actually matter would mean disappearing from the world for a while, i’m up for it. i actually deactivated my socmeds recently and it’s been doing me good. ๐๐ฝ
also, ya gurl is gaining a bit of weight. i actually thought i’d be the skinniest friend my whole life, but i don’t think i am anymore ๐
let's talk!
hope your days are well! <3
i actually don't know how to start this blog post other than stating my constant attempt to be active on here again which has not happened yet for so long already. life happens, as they always say, and indeed it does, but trust me, my yearning to write something on here did not cease. the entire time, i've been wanting to blog again as much as i used to, however, i was finding it difficult to block some time off to sit down with my thoughts and type them away for the blog. maybe this is just how it is. years pass, we grow, and our priorities change. it's never the same anymore. nevertheless, i'm grateful. adulting can be pretty demanding, yes, but i have been enjoying this phase of my life by far.
i'm 27 now, would you believe? i am actually not yet convinced that i am at this age already, but this is a fact and i could not anymore do away with it. haha! as Taylor Bickett's song goes... "i swear sixteen was yesterday, but now i’m closer to 28." ๐ถ this line rings so much. i could not resonate more perfectly with it other than at this time of my life. indeed 16 feels like yesterday, and now i am here. i am having mixed emotions about the fact that i am now in my late twenties. whoa! the next thing i know, i might be married already. haha!
anyway, i’ll grab this time to share some photos from my birthday weekend last january. i am not really a huge celebrant of birthdays. i don’t even like parties and big celebrations because they exhaust me. i would usually just treat my birthdays as ordinary days except that the gratitude in my heart is overflowing more than any other days in my life - i am truly grateful that i am given the wonderful chance to live this amazing life.
every year, i celebrate my birthday with my family at home. this year, however, since it was a weekend, i opted to spend it at the beach and called it a birthday weekend. ๐ฅณ that was the first time that i celebrated my birthday away from home. i tagged my mom along because if there‘s only one person i would celebrate my birthdays with, it would always be her. then, there was my cousin who happened to be nearby at that time, so we invited her to go with us.
we went to a resort in one of the nearby provinces. the timing was perfect because we almost had the place to ourselves. my birthday is a week after the new year, so people were probably still winding down from all the holiday celebrations - perhaps the reason why there were barely no people in the place at that time. this was actually my second attempt to book with the resort. the first time i tried was back in summer last year for my mom’s birthday. however, it was fully booked so we went with another option.
the place was a real definition of tranquility. it was right beside the beach so i can hear the sound of the waves 24/7 and the gentle blow of the wind was nonstop. i’m not sure if it was like that there everyday or maybe it was just the january weather, but the place was breezy during our whole stay. also, the signal was scarce there, so i really had the time to be in the moment.
i’m happy that i did not only celebrate my birthday, but i also had some quality time with my mom - the woman who endured the pain to bring me into this world. her birth story was actually a bit challenging because i am her firstborn, i was premature, and a breech baby in one. they consider it a blessing that i am able to survive because they barely thought i would. i stayed in an incubator for a couple of weeks before they were able to take me home. this is why i consider life a huge blessing, and i’m immensely thankful for God’s presence in my life since day one.
even if i did not celebrate my birthday with the whole family this year (when i say “family” it’s with the extended family included), it still does not change the fact that i love them to bits and i’m so thankful for them. my family is not perfect for sure, but it is exactly the group of people that i perfectly need on this lifetime.
oh, i think i have blabbed too much already. i must have missed this hobby this much. lol. anyway, if you're still here at this point, hello, thanks for dropping by. i'm happy to see you here and i'm glad to be back here again. most of the blogs that i used to visit here are no longer active, i assume everyone has been pretty occupied accomplishing the mundane but necessary tasks of everyday life trying to be responsible adults. when blogging was still at its hype, we were all just students writing about our monotonous days in school, but here we are now, thriving adults who hardly have the time to hop back in to this hobby again. i'm so proud of where we all have come. there's still a long journey ahead but we got this!
ending this blog post with a reel that i initially posted on facebook. i could not find my original file. thus, the low quality.
'til then!
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