Yes, I left my “supposed-to-be” first ever job.

I mentioned in this post that after having my training there for only two days, the management talked to me that they’re ending my 12-day training and finally hiring me.

But guess what?

After I processed all my pre-employment requirements and submitted those to them, they told me to go back the next day for the signing of a contract. But the next day came, they introduced some parts of my tasks (only some parts because to be honest, there were a lot of tasks), but there was never a signing of the contract that happened. I was taught of the how’s and some why’s of the job. It was Thursday then and then came Saturday, they again called me for a talk in the management room. I thought I will already sign a contract but they said that there were just some concerns that arose, so they have to postpone my employment until this year ends and I have to undergo a training again.

Yes, I understand. I can’t deny the fact that I really need it. I couldn’t understand a lot yet about the job. It was so hard for me to catch up. I mean, yes, I was learning, but the tasks were a lot and I indeed need to first undergo the right process before I could finally be hired, but I just couldn’t get it why they told me they were hiring me tapos babawiin lang rin naman. But despite that, I tried to understand. Even if it was so hard to grasp why, I told myself that they did it for a reason.

At first, it was fine for me. I tried to fight every negative feeling that I had. I was waking up early so I wouldn’t be late because we have to be in the office at 7am or even before that. I thought I was doing fine. I really did think so, but I was not.

There came Monday. I was late and when I entered the office, I felt uncomfortable. Idk. It was actually a weird feeling, but I shrugged it off. I did what I was supposed to do. It was a very busy morning. It was quite exhausting and I suddenly felt like crying. I was trying so hard to hold back my tears. After our first task, I ate lunch alone because the employees were required to attend a conference (I’m not sure if it was really a conference or what) held in the 2nd floor of the building. After lunch, I went back to the office and no one was there. I was alone, then after a few minutes, an employee arrived. She was some kind of my favorite there. She was pretty and nice. She went near me and asked how I was or if I was just doing fine there. I first said I was fine, but she sat down in front of me. I’m not sure, but maybe she felt something was wrong. Idk. Then we had like a heart-to-heart talk and I finally told her I was not doing fine. I cannot exactly remember what I said, but my point is, I was not happy. Then another employee arrived. She’s also one of those nice employees there. She asked me the same thing - if I was doing fine. And before I could answer, tears already ran down my face. I was not able to hold them back any longer. And they advised me to talk to the Finance Manager. They offered to tell the Finance Manager that I have a concern so we could talk, and they did.

I had a talk with the Finance Manager in the top management room. I didn’t tell her that I was not doing fine. I told her some other excuses. I’m sorry I had to create lies (they are partly true at some point, but not entirely). All I ever wanted at that moment was to leave and never come back. I finally realized I was not happy there. I guess, I’m quite fine with the job, but I was not comfortable with the environment in the workplace. Ever since. I felt pressured and I couldn’t deal with too many people every day. It exhausts me.

And I didn’t feel that they need me there. They were very busy and I actually felt like I was a burden because they have to train me and of course, they couldn’t focus on their actual tasks. And it was the very thing that really pushed me to leave. They didn’t show it to my face but I never really felt needed. I felt like I was being tested and played on.

After I talked to the Fin. Mngr, she told me that she will relay my concern to the head and it was approved. Immediately it was my last day there. I had to say goodbye.

At first, I felt weak for giving up too soon, but I’m happy that I made a decision (even if it was hard for me). I felt a lot lighter now.

I have learned a lot in my very short stay in the company. I realized a few things. I’ve gained quite a few acquaintances. I’m grateful for the kindness that the Finance Mngr have shown me.  I’m grateful for the experience that they’ve given me.

Right now, I’m thinking where to apply again. I have been referred to apply here and there. A lot better opportunities are open, but I’m not sure if I should grab them. After that experience, I still couldn’t figure out what could make my heart happy. I’m still confused and I feel lost.

But there’s no need to rush. Even my family, wanted me first to take a break. And I guess, I have to.

Omg! So yesterday (November 25th), they just declared that my training was over. It was only my 2nd day out of 12 days of training and now I’m hired?!?!?! I was surprised! That was crazy! Idk what happened! I’m nervouuuuuus!

I was actually ranting about my application in this company last Thursday in my private Twitter account because I have not received any message regarding the start of my training for more than a week then since my final interview. I thought I was already rejected. But later on the same day, I received a message that I will start my training the next day at 7am.

My first day of training was quite surprising. I didn’t expect that I’d be assigned to the Sales Department because I applied for a position in the Admin and Finance. I went with the sales agents’ Team in Sara and Lemery (both parts of Northern Iloilo) just commuting and we have to hop from one account to another. Imagine the hassle plus the weather was crazy that time. It was too hot one minute then raining hard the next (I wasn’t really prepared for it, tbh). It was already nearly 7pm when we arrived back in our town and I was dead tired! They even joked na baka hindi na raw ako bumalik the next day, but of course, I did come back. I may look mahinhin pero game ako sa kahit ano (but not to face a crowd, okay? Lol.) and I’m a scaredy cat, yes, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t want to be challenged. I get nervous on the little things, but it does not mean I give up too easily. No matter how nervous I could get, I wanna go on with what I’ve started.

On the 2nd day, I was already assigned to the Finance Department. My trainer was actually surprised that I am already assigned to her area because she was instructed beforehand that she would be my last. I observed, listened, and tried a bit of what she was doing. Later that afternoon, the tension came in (or at least, I kind of felt it on my part). When one of the employees told me that the management will talk to me, I got a bit nervous, something which was kinda unusual, especially when I realized that my trainer was called first before me. And then, I heard the news. My training was over and now, I’m hired, but on the other hand, my trainer will be assigned to another branch. She was crying when she got out of the management room. I didn’t know how to react. I don’t know if I should be happy or sad. I kind of felt guilty, but no, nothing was my fault. It was never my decision.

In all honesty, I’ve heard a lot of hearsays about the workload of the company. They said it’s a lot and that I could find a lot better company that pays high without me going for OT’s every time, especially that I am a CPA, but I don’t want to stop going just because the people around me said so. I want to stop going because me, in my heart, does not want it. And for now, nothing inside me stops me from entering the company because after all, I am not into anything for now but learning and experiences. I’m a fresh grad. This would be my first and I wanted to grow as early as possible. And perhaps, though they said there would be a lot of work here this is something that could help me grow.

Right now, I won’t deny the fact that I’m nervous about what might be ahead of me now that I am finally hired. They’re still giving me a maximum of 3 days to process my requirements. I’m quite terrified of the workload that might be given to me, but I’m more nervous about adjusting. I am more nervous on the people that I would get to deal with, but I’m certain, God will help me with this. He gave this to me because He knows I could. And who am I to question that? This is a blessing and I’m gratefully accepting it. Let’s just hope and pray for the best ❤