hi loves, it’s the weekend and i planned to run some errands, but it’s been pouring rain nonstop since morning. the whole town is flooded, and it’s terrifying to see the news. thankfully, we’re safe where we are.
and tonight, i'm just sitting down and letting my thoughts find their way out.
well, lately, i've been thinking more about work and how i’ve been feeling the pressure more than usual. it’s not just the deadlines or the tasks piling up. it’s the weight of expectations that never seem to ease.
what’s hard is that the pressure doesn’t always come from the work itself, but from the top... from the higher-ups trying to please clients, to maintain a certain image, to hit every target. but the ones who pay the price are the people on the ground. the ones doing the actual work. what makes it tricky is that the higher-ups aren’t unkind, and sometimes they even express genuine care. but some days, when there is pressure, they seem to act differently.
it’s heartbreaking, really. because most of us actually want to do good work. we want to make things better. but how do you thrive when you’re constantly made to feel like you’re not doing enough?
some nights, i lie awake wondering if they even notice. the fatigue behind the polite “noted.” the quiet sighs after meetings. the heavy eyes behind the camera during virtual calls. the way our smiles have slowly become just part of the job.
we’re all trying our best. holding on to whatever patience, kindness, and hope we have left. but it gets tiring when the higher ups only sees the numbers, the outputs, the results… and not the people behind them.
sometimes i wish they’d pause and listen, like really listen. to understand that pressure doesn’t always bring out the best in people. sometimes, it breaks them.
all we want is to be heard. to be seen. to work in a place that values both excellence and empathy. because the truth is, we can endure the hard days if we feel supported. we can face the pressure if we know it comes with understanding.
but when expectations keep rising while compassion stays missing, it’s only a matter of time before even the most passionate ones burn out.
and i don’t think any of us deserve that.
and so, i’ve found myself thinking about where i am and how much has changed.
i’ve been with this company for almost eight years now. it's a place i once thought i’d stay in forever. i used to picture myself growing old here, maybe even retiring with the same faces i’ve worked with for years. i’ve poured so much of myself into this place. and for the longest time, that felt like enough.
but there’s a certain kind of exhaustion that comes from being here and being in the in between. not quite at the top, but not on the ground either. just somewhere in the middle, catching the weight that falls from above so it doesn’t crush the people below.
i’ve been living in that space for a while now.
i’ve always tried to understand. to see things from every side. and i get where the higher-ups are coming from. they care deeply about the company... maybe even too deeply sometimes. i see how much they pour of themselves into the work, how much they want things to succeed. they want excellence. they want to deliver. they want the company to grow. i understand that... deeply. i admire that kind of passion. but sometimes, it feels like in chasing those goals, they forget that even capable people have limits.
we get tired. we get overwhelmed. we try our best, but some days it’s hard to keep up with expectations that never stop growing.
they often say they’re open to suggestions, that we can share our thoughts, raise concerns, be honest. but for some reason, it doesn’t feel safe to do that. not because they’d get angry, but because it just doesn’t feel safe. there’s that quiet fear of being misunderstood, of being seen as negative, that being honest might be seen as complaining.
so we keep quiet. we nod, smile, and adjust. again and again. we just figure things out silently.
it’s disappointing, really... to want to do good work, to give your best, and still feel like it’s never enough. to constantly stretch yourself thin just to meet standards that were not that realistic to begin with.
and for the longest time, i try my best to protect the rest of the team. i filter the pressure, soften the tone, carry what i can before it reaches them. i try to make sure they feel safe, that they don’t wake up every day dreading their work. i try to remind them that they’re valued, that what they do matters.
and i try not to complain. i try not to talk bad about the higher-ups or anyone. i just quietly take the hit, fix what i can, and keep things moving.
but lately, it’s been getting harder to hold it all together. you understand the higher-ups’ side. their drive, their sacrifices, the way their minds never rest. but you also feel the people’s side. their exhaustion, their quiet longing to just breathe.
i see the team giving their all. trying, learning, staying loyal. but when the pressure comes directly from the top, i can only do so much to shield them. and i’ve seen what happens when that shield isn’t there. those who dealt with the pressure directly… they’ve left. they couldn’t take it anymore. and honestly, i can’t even blame them.
and these days… i’ve felt something shift.
i’m still doing my work, still showing up, still giving what i can, but i no longer carry it the same way i used to. i’ve stopped trying to hold everything together. i’ve stopped taking the pressure too personally. i’ve stopped measuring my worth by how much i can endure.
i don’t resent anyone. i just wish it didn’t have to feel like this. that ambition didn’t always have to come with so much pressure. that appreciation didn’t have to coexist with exhaustion.
because even when you love your work, even when you’re thankful for the trust and opportunities, it still hurts to constantly feel like you’re one mistake away from disappointing everyone.
i’m learning that appreciation alone isn’t enough to sustain people. what sustains us is balance, understanding, and a kind of leadership that knows when to push and when to pause.
i still believe in leading with empathy. in creating spaces where people can grow without burning out. but lately, i’ve realized that even empathy has its limits when you’re the one holding the weight for everyone else.
maybe someday, the world will learn that people don’t perform better under pressure. they perform better when they feel safe, supported, and trusted.
now, i’m just going with the flow.
and maybe it’s not giving up... it’s acceptance. it’s understanding that i can only do so much, and that’s enough. that if they ever decide to let me go, i think i’ll be okay. because i’ve given enough of myself to know that my value isn’t defined by how tightly i hold on.
i don’t see it as betrayal. maybe it’s just… growth. i’m learning to protect my peace, to focus on the things that truly matter to me. the things that make me feel alive, grounded, and human.
maybe this is what happens when you’ve carried too much for too long. you learn to set it down, quietly, without bitterness. you start to see the difference between loyalty and self-sacrifice.
and maybe this is what peace looks like. not the absence of pressure, but the decision to stop letting it consume you.
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