finally, a life update!

Thursday, December 08, 2022


i find these photos beautiful and peaceful, but my life is quite the opposite at the moment. i mean, i can still find the beauty in it, but the peace... i'm quite not sure about it.

my room has been quite a mess, and so is my life. my physical and digital clutter are a bit too much as of the moment. i'm stressed out and i'm not in the right headspace to be on top of things, and not being on top of things stresses me out more. what a crazy loop!

life has been a mix of the good and the challenging times lately. good because this year has been quite eventful. challenging because it's been pretty much a challenge to be an adult—healing childhood wounds, learning the abc's of #adulthing, dealing with different kinds of people, learning how to handle my mom's whirlwind of emotions every now and then (which is pretty much the most challenging part for me, i must say), and the list goes on.

the past days has been hard for me especially when i feel like i have to carry the burden of everyone. i'm thankful for the gift of family big time and i love them to bits, but let's be real, i get frustrated with them too. i am the bread winner of the family and sometimes i would just hope i am not. of all the responsibilities that i am able to take on in this lifetime so far, being a bread winner is the heaviest. it gets exhausting at times, and when things get tougher and more demanding, i just can't help but wish that my parents knew better. it's quite burdensome to suffer the consequences of their wrong decisions, but i understand that they are human and that they just did what they think was best. they tried their best to do their part. it's just that, they didn't know better. that's why, with all the resources that i have, i am trying my best to break the pattern, and it's undeniably tough! 

i am struggling financially as of the moment. i never wanted to live off paycheck to paycheck, but recently that's been the case. for context, i am the eldest and is the only working individual in my family, and i am currently helping my mom payoff her debts that she has incurred out of her wrong financial decisions. it frustrates me most of the time because i feel like my hard-earned money are just going down the drain, but i still have my hope that this, too, shall pass. this is one of my biggest struggles right now, and i am desperate to get out of it. thus, personal finance management is one of the things that i am constantly learning these days. i am planning to document the journey on here because it could help me become more aware. i hope i can pull it off, and i am looking forward to be more active on here from now onwards.

also, i am thinking about sharing another thing, but that would be a story for another time as this entry is now getting longer.

i'm excited to reignite my love for blogging again. i hope y'all are doing great! =)



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