my dearest papa,one night, you slept, then you never woke up, and that was the most heart-breaking part, and after many years, i still could not look at your photo this long without crying.everything was never the same since the very day that you left. no more daddy jokes, no more pats on my back every time i accomplish something, no more letters from santa claus, no more karaoke nights with you, no more mom & dad cuddling in front of the tv, no more you on that one seat in the dining table, no more smiles from you, no more hugs.and father’s day was never the same.but okay, enough. i don’t wanna be sad ‘cos i know you never wanted us to be said either. you’ve always wanted things to be just happy and light. thus, all those daddy jokes, and guess what, my brother has gotten your wit! you must have been so proud!although you were gone too soon, i hope you know that for your seventeen years of being a father here on earth, surely, you never failed. there is a lot that i’ve learned from you (including how to tickle mom’s fancy when her mood is off but of course, you do it best, no one can beat you on that) but most of all, the greatest that i’ve learned from you is to never complain if it rains, ‘cos i might find it inconvenient on my part on some days, but others have prayed for it, so i might as well just be grateful. and every time that it rains, i remember you, and every time that i remember you, i am reminded that no matter what situation i am in, the rain is a blessing to be enjoyed, not a curse to complain about.for more than six years since the day that you left, i’ve already reached some milestones in life – my high school and college graduation, my first day at work, and many more to come -- and i always could not help but wish that you’re here. nevertheless, i know you’re happy and proud up there. you’ve always been so proud even in my failing moments, because for you, trying is already enough.i might have never told you how much i love you, but i swear, i always do more than words can ever tell. the days we’ve spent together was short, but i can never thank you enough for being the best father that we could ever have! for sure, you were never perfect, yet we never needed a perfect father anyway. what we needed was certainly just a father like you!happy father’s day in heaven, papa! i love you beyond words! always missing you down here 💖
i woke up at around eight and i counted the number of hours i was asleep. guess what, i had more or less, nine hours! oops, i kinda overslept,
but i am so proud of myself for getting more sleep now.
and okay, i know this is never a good way to start my
morning, but the first thing i did after that was grabbed my phone and watched
two youtube videos. for the past few days, i have started the habit of not
bringing my phone into bed, but last night, i lied down in bed after bath to
watch some youtube videos, but then fell asleep
unintentionally and i wasn’t able to keep my phone away from me, so yep.
after intentionally watching those videos, i got up from
bed, grabbed my towel, headed to the kitchen and washed my mouth. i greeted my
mom while she was getting breakfast because she was preparing for work. yep, on
a sunday.
i then went inside the bathroom to take a bath. i was
feeling a little stinky because i washed my hair with some natural coconut oil
yesterday. i didn’t put shampoo nor a conditioner. thus, i felt like the oil was too
much when i woke up and i badly needed to wash them off, so i did. i spent a
little longer than usual in the shower, washed my hair with a shampoo, put on some hair
conditioner, cleansed my face and applied some exfoliating body wash on my
whole body.
i then let the towel absorb some of the water from my hair
and let it air dry after. i did my quick & simple skin care routine and then took breakfast
with my cousin. we had a glass of milk, bread, and some boiled bananas.
after refueling my stomach, i hang my laundry from yesterday
under the sun to let them dry. then, i swept the floor and quickly
looked after the tyangge. i then grabbed my laptop and started with my weekly
reset routine on my digital stuff.
i planned to wash the bed sheets and the curtains that i took off from yesterday, but i don’t feel like doing it 'cos my mind says,
“laundries are for saturdays, not for sundays,” (or perhaps that was just the monkey inside my head telling me to procrastinate), so okay. i need to better my time
management to make sure that i get all laundries done on saturdays.
have i told you that sunday lunches at home are my favorite? yep! i really love sunday lunches because i get to have them with the whole family and the food in the table are a little extra.
after lunch, i again spent some time in front of my laptop, while overhearing some conversation from my brother and his friends. nope, i am not eavesdropping. it's just that my room is too near to their tambayan and there's no way i can unhear them when i'm here. anyway, they were talking how back-to-school is getting so near again, and they were kinda making fun, practicing how they would introduce themselves to the class, if ever, in such a comical way.
i spent the rest of the afternoon just lazing around and looking after the tyannge. i had an afternoon nap for an hour and it rained. i was supposed to go to church with my cousin but it got cancelled because of the rain. church is not something we should cancel but i'm sorry about that. also, to be honest, i am really not a church goer, because part of me doesn't believe in my religion's practices, but that's a story for another time.
we then had some banana cue that my grandma cooked for merienda. after that, i watched more youtube videos and covered my books, then more youtube videos.
i've been feeling really great since the time i've been away from social media, and admittedly, i don't feel like going back. i realized how superficial the connections i had with some people in there. some might probably have just talked to me because they saw me posted something and they were bored, so they took it as an opportunity to open a topic. i am not saying that this is absolutely true, but it could be. nope, i don't mean it any bad way, okay? right now, i am certain that when people message me, i know that they are being intentional, or at least that's how i think it is. and to be honest, i've only talked to a very few people virtually for about two weeks now. i swear, i can count them by my fingers in one hand, and these are the ones who really matter to me.
i had dinner with the whole family and my mom. i'm happy she was able to arrive in time for our dinner because these days, we seldom share a meal with her. she has been too busy with work, and that's one of the things that we often argue about, but i'm trying my best to help her manage her time so she could spend a day with us at least in a week, but before i can completely do that, i need to better mine first. it's a process and i hope we'll get there.
overall, it was such a gratifying sunday. i'm thankful. ♡
i spent the rest of the afternoon just lazing around and looking after the tyannge. i had an afternoon nap for an hour and it rained. i was supposed to go to church with my cousin but it got cancelled because of the rain. church is not something we should cancel but i'm sorry about that. also, to be honest, i am really not a church goer, because part of me doesn't believe in my religion's practices, but that's a story for another time.
we then had some banana cue that my grandma cooked for merienda. after that, i watched more youtube videos and covered my books, then more youtube videos.
i've been feeling really great since the time i've been away from social media, and admittedly, i don't feel like going back. i realized how superficial the connections i had with some people in there. some might probably have just talked to me because they saw me posted something and they were bored, so they took it as an opportunity to open a topic. i am not saying that this is absolutely true, but it could be. nope, i don't mean it any bad way, okay? right now, i am certain that when people message me, i know that they are being intentional, or at least that's how i think it is. and to be honest, i've only talked to a very few people virtually for about two weeks now. i swear, i can count them by my fingers in one hand, and these are the ones who really matter to me.
i had dinner with the whole family and my mom. i'm happy she was able to arrive in time for our dinner because these days, we seldom share a meal with her. she has been too busy with work, and that's one of the things that we often argue about, but i'm trying my best to help her manage her time so she could spend a day with us at least in a week, but before i can completely do that, i need to better mine first. it's a process and i hope we'll get there.
overall, it was such a gratifying sunday. i'm thankful. ♡
while i was on my way home for lunch today, i saw three kids along the way, around seven to ten years old i guess, two girls and a boy, sitting down under the shade of a tree. they were staring at me as i was walking towards their direction, the kind of stare as if they’re getting the right timing to say hi. i gave them a very slight smile as i was getting near, and when i walked past them, they called my attention and said, “gwapa ka bala, nang,” and they said it so kindly.
i was surprised. i got tongue-tied. i was not able to answer. i didn’t see that coming at all. i stopped for a second, looked back at them, and just smiled. then i went on walking. how i wish, though, i was able to stop by, even for a minute, and said hi to them, or at least just uttered the words “thank you,” but i didn’t. i wasn’t able to do so. i really didn’t know how to respond. it’s the first time i saw them. idk where they’re from. perhaps, they’re the kids from this new house a few meters away from ours or idk, but i'm hoping i can see them again.
tbh, such moment really uplifted my mood for the rest of the day. it made me smile, especially my heart, not because of the compliment but because i’ve seen the good in these kids. it’s so kind of them to give a compliment to someone they’ve only seen for the first time. they didn’t care about not getting any response or whatever. they just gave the compliment. that’s it.
i’m grateful for little moments like this. these are what i consider life’s little surprises, and if there’s anything i’ve learned, it’s not to hesitate to give genuine compliments, even to people we don’t know. there’s nothing to lose, really. we can even gain new friends. who knows?
and yeah, it was a pretty nice day, i may say.
i couldn’t count how many times i’ve heard the fire truck siren today. there were grass fires here and there around the town, the nearest was a few meters away from our home earlier this afternoon.
i was having some watermelon after lunch when we heard a very loud siren. it’s pretty unusual because our place is far from the highway. we got alarmed by it and everyone left the dining table to check where the fire was. a neighbor was shouting like crazy. he was just joking, but it was never funny. i easily get nervous over shouts like that. anyway, i walked through where the neighbors were going and late have i realized that i was still carrying a fork with me (i was eating, remember?). *laughs*
there’s a hill a few meters away from our backyard and that’s where the fire was coming from. the fire truck couldn’t anymore go uphill so the firemen had to carry their equipment and some gallons of water on their backs. imagine the sacrifice plus it’s a sunday, a suppose family day, and the scorching heat of the sun was a little bit too much to handle. i was delighted to see some men from the neighborhood helped. the fire was completely put off a few hours after and i'm thankful for the heroes who helped.
it always makes my heart happy every time i see some act of bayanihan around our neighborhood, although i admit, i sometimes loathe the people around here because, on normal days, i feel like they’re not doing anything but gather around and talk about people behind their backs, but i’ve learned to appreciate the fact that when one is in need, the others are always ready to lend some hand as much as they could.
even though i sometimes think about living somewhere else in the years to come, a part of me still wants to stay. this is home, and in this place, i feel safe.
for now, i don’t think i can be safer in any other place but here.
i’m not sure if this is good or bad, or if this is just what growing up is all about, but i am just not gaining friends now as much as i do when i was still in school. i get to meet people, i get to interact with them, but they are just not those that i can consider friends. sometimes, i wonder if i am already building my walls too high, but most of the time, i think this is just the right thing.
perhaps, i actually don’t need a lot of friends, but there are times that i get worried about what other people might think of me for not having that much friends. they might think i am not a good person that people don’t wanna make friends with me, but does that even matter? this answer is on me.
these days i am becoming more introverted. i don’t know if i should be alarmed about that, given the fact that i am already in my 20′s a.k.a the "adult-ing" stage. people are expecting that i can already interact with others just like how a normal adult would, but the fact is, i still can’t. i mean, i am already lucky on those days where i get to fake it (talking to people while trying to keep all those awkwardness inside my pocket), but most of the days, i am really just an awkward potato who would prefer staying in the corner than putting myself in the middle and buzz around.
growing up, i’ve always been told that i can’t be successful if i am too shy, and that, i wouldn’t survive in a famine if i am too timid to ask for food. but hey, yes, i am shy, but that doesn’t mean i am dumb enough to let myself die from starving.
it’s just awful that, sometimes, the society doesn’t give enough space for introverts like me. everyone says go out, do this, do that, because if you wouldn’t, then you’re not living your best life, but it’s a lot more awful that i am here, listening to the voice of the society and letting it put me inside a box. while it’s a lot of pressure on me, i am also the one who is allowing to get those pressure inside then letting myself sink.
i just don’t know where to place myself sometimes.
i guess, i just have to silence the voice of this world and listen carefully to what God has been telling me. perhaps, this is all i need. this way, i would know which way to go.
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