it's monday and i skipped work because i’m feeling unwell. well... mostly emotionally. i mean, i feel sluggish and lazy. i don’t want to do anything. it feels like i am not doing enough in life. i am not achieving anything anymore.
yesterday, i spent almost the whole day in bed -- sleeping, watching netflix and pretty much just doing nothing.
i was supposed to have another 3pm meeting at that time but i wished that it’ll be cancelled and it was granted. maybe i shall thank the heavy rains that afternoon but the lightning and loud thunder were terrifying. and so i spent my afternoon sleeping.
and oh, how i hate stalking people on social media but idk why i still do it every now and then, only to put myself in a miserable spot where my insecurities are at its peak. and then, i end up seeing everything that is not right in me. awful. i shall stop. help!
this is mainly the reason why i got rid of social media apps on my phone, but i still check them sometimes when i open my laptop. especially on weekends. because of this, i want to leave social media for good like really disappear and never come back, but i can’t tell why i keep on putting it off. what’s wrong? what do i fear of? missing out? well... maybe?
i actually am uncomfortable sharing a photo of myself whenever i'm feeling miserable (just like today), but i shouldn't let the dark thoughts win this time. and oh, i think i must include this quote from Pope Francis that i saw just now as soon as i opened facebook on my laptop:
you can have flaws, be anxious, and even be angry, but do not forget that your life is the greatest enterprise in the world. only you can stop it from going bust. many appreciate you, admire you and love you.
you can find the entire post here. it's worth the read, i guarantee!
anyway, today, i continued watching chesapeake shores (i started it yesterday as recommended by my cousin). i’m on the 5th episode now and i like it. i like shows like this one. i like the story. it revolves mostly around a family, and as soft as i am when it comes to people dearest to me, i’ve cried quite a few times already.
then, i had the time to cleanup my asana. i wrote down the lists on a yellow paper and deleted them from there. maybe i would like to start a clean slate. also, i deleted my old goodreads account that i never updated in ages and created a new one. i’m planning to get back in the reading grind. it’s something i have dropped off for years. i pick up a book at times, but i rarely finish one. i was never consistent at it. this time, i have set a goal to read at least seven books this year. what’s with seven, you may ask? uhm, nothing. it’s just my favorite number.
i am currently re-reading the subtle art of not giving a f*ck, by the way. i don’t mind reading it over and over again. it’s definitely one of my favorite books.
i am supposed to write on my journal right now, but i’m putting it off until i get dinner. i’m already hungry. my stomach is growling. and i’m waiting for a family member to knock at my door and tell me that dinner’s ready. yes, at twenty-five, i still don’t prepare my own meals. i’m still pretty dependent with what’s being served on the family’s dining table every time. i was never pressured to learn how to cook. this is why i also never bothered to try. but i want to learn already. maybe i shall try it this year.
okay, someone’s knocking already. it’s dinner time, i assume. so see ya on the next entry. ciao!
hello there! happy saturday!
i am in the office as of typing. yes, on a saturday, because i had to attend some meeting to resolve some difficulty that we have encountered at work. but it’s not so much of a trouble or anything like that. we just talked about how we will be able to manage our time better and stuff like that, so we can be on top of everything and meet deadlines. it was a good talk with the team. i love conversations like that. i love to talk about improving one’s self and the whole team as well.
anyway, i am supposed to grab my lunch now so i could be on time for another meeting (outside my full time job) at 1pm this afternoon, but it’s raining hard outside with some thunder every few minutes. so there’s no way i can go outdoors at this point yet. also, i forgot my umbrella after drying it off last night. oh no, not a good time to forget it. gosh.
so now, i’ll have to wait for the rain to subside. i hope it subsides the sooner possible.
it feels good to be able to spontaneously hit my fingers on the keyboard and type something down here. i can feel a little bit of nostalgia. i am reminded of those days when i used to blabber anything and everything on here. even if it already meant “over-sharing,” i just didn’t care.
these days, it worries me to over-share. or it doesn’t really worry me. it’s just that... i am no longer comfortable to share too much about myself and my life online. or maybe i have made an unfavorable decision of sharing my blog out in the open. and by that, i mean... linking it on my instagram account and other socials where people in real life can see and visit it anytime. maybe i was just happy and proud of how this blog turned out that i got giddy and excited to share it to everyone. not the right move, i guess? but it wasn’t bad either. it’s just... it made me feel uneasy.
with that, i made the decision to remove the link. i thought of changing my url, but the domain that i currently have ain’t free and there’s no way i should waste it, so okay, let’s stick with this for now.
uhm.. no, there’s no way i am hiding anything on here. it’s just that this blog was initially created for my future self, and well... maybe for the “strangers” online. i’ll have to put the emphasis on s t r a n g e r s, so you’ll get what i mean.
i don’t know. i just feel like i want to remain mysterious in real life where they can’t do anything but just assume stuff about me. hmm... i think i used to be really mysterious until i became active on my socials. but idk, maybe i was still intentional with the stuff i shared, but sometimes, i feel like i should have not shared them, ‘cos it seemed that i gave too much info about myself, and that’s not so me. or at least, not the way i knew myself.
on another note, i don’t have social media apps (except messenger) on my phone for a week now, and i feel great. but i’m planning to only have instagram on my phone every two weeks, and just on weekends, then uninstall it again before monday starts. i’m perfectly fine with no facebook and twitter on my phone. i can just open them on my latptop whenever i have to.
alright, i think this is enough blabbing already. i just wanna say hi.
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i am actually publishing this post a few hours after.
how has your life been, dear friends?
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